If you feel lonely, you're far from alone in it. Young adults report some of the highest loneliness of any age group in the US, and the reasons are mostly about how life is set up now, not about something being wrong with you: more moves, more remote work, less time with friends in person and more time alone on screens.
The good news is that loneliness responds to fairly ordinary changes. Regular time with the same people, a group you show up to every week, and noticing the thoughts that keep you home all help. This guide covers the numbers, the causes, what to do, and where a comfort like ASMR fits at night.
How common is loneliness in young adults?
Very common, though the exact number depends on how you ask.
- The US Surgeon General says about half of US adults report experiencing loneliness, with some of the highest rates among young adults (US Surgeon General, 2023).
- Harvard's Making Caring Common project found that 61% of 18- to 25-year-olds reported serious loneliness (feeling lonely frequently or almost all the time in the past month), compared with 36% of all Americans. The survey of about 950 people ran in October 2020, during the pandemic, and the authors call the data preliminary (Weissbourd et al., 2021).
- The Cigna Group's 2023 study classed 71% of Gen Z adults (ages 18 to 26 at the time) as lonely on its own index, the highest of any generation. Across all adults, the figure rose from 46% in 2018 to 58% in 2023 (The Cigna Group, 2023).
Different surveys use different questions, so don't compare the percentages directly. The pattern is what matters: young adults keep showing up near the top.
Male loneliness: what the data shows
Young men in the US stand out. In Gallup's 2023–2024 data, 25% of US men aged 15 to 34 said they felt lonely a lot of the previous day, compared with 18% of young women and 15% to 16% of older men. Across wealthy OECD countries, the median for young men was 15% (Gallup, 2025).
Men's friendships also tend to carry less emotional support. In a 2021 national survey from the Survey Center on American Life (Cox, 2021):
- 21% of men had received emotional support from a friend in the past week, versus 41% of women.
- 30% of men had shared personal feelings with a friend in the past week, versus 48% of women.
- Across all adults, the share with no close friends rose from 3% in 1990 to 12% in 2021, and the share with three or fewer close friends went from 27% to 49%. The 1990 poll was by phone and the 2021 one online, which may affect the comparison.
The data can't say why. One detail stands out: men with at least one female friend were more likely to have received emotional support in the past week (28%) than men with only male friends (16%) (Cox, 2021).
Why do I feel lonely? Common causes
Loneliness is often described as the gap between the connection you have and the connection you want. Several trends widen that gap for young adults.
You moved, or your life changed
School ends, friends scatter, a job takes you to a new city. The Surgeon General lists moves, job changes and illness among the life events that disrupt connection (US Surgeon General, 2023). The Survey Center notes that Americans are more geographically mobile than in the past, a trend strongly associated with isolation and loneliness (Cox, 2021).
You work remotely
Work is where a lot of adults find friends: in the Survey Center's data, the workplace was the most common place people had made a close friend (Cox, 2021). Remote work removes those daily, unplanned run-ins. In Gallup's global workplace data, 25% of fully remote employees reported loneliness a lot of the previous day, versus 21% of hybrid workers and 16% of fully on-site workers (Gallup, 2024).
Less time together, more time alone
According to US time-use data cited by the Surgeon General, people aged 15 to 24 spent nearly 70% less time with friends in person in 2020 than in 2003: about 40 minutes a day, down from about 150. Across all ages, time spent alone rose by roughly 24 hours a month over the same period (US Surgeon General, 2023).
Screens fill the gaps
Technology can help connection or replace it, depending on how you use it. The advisory cites research in which adults who used social media more than two hours a day had about double the odds of feeling socially isolated, compared with those under 30 minutes a day (US Surgeon General, 2023). If late-night scrolling is part of your pattern, see how to stop doomscrolling.
Fewer shared places and groups
Many of the places where people used to run into the same faces every week have thinned out. Religious membership in the US fell from 70% in 1999 to 47% in 2020, only 16% of Americans felt very attached to their local community in 2018, and single-person households went from 13% of households in 1960 to 29% in 2022 (US Surgeon General, 2023).
Nobody asks how you're really doing
In the Harvard survey, about half of lonely young adults said no one had recently asked how they were doing in a way that made them feel genuinely cared about (Weissbourd et al., 2021). You can be around people all day and still feel unseen.
Why loneliness matters for your health
Loneliness isn't just a bad mood. The Surgeon General's advisory reports that (US Surgeon General, 2023):
- Loneliness is linked to a 26% higher risk of early death, and social isolation to 29%. Lacking social connection carries a risk comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.
- Poor social relationships are linked to a 29% higher risk of heart disease and a 32% higher risk of stroke.
- Adults who often feel lonely have more than double the odds of developing depression.
These are associations, not proof that loneliness alone causes these problems. But they're a good reason to treat loneliness as something worth fixing, not just waiting out.
What helps: practical steps
These steps come from public health guidance and research on loneliness. Pick one or two to start.
1. Check the thoughts that keep you home
Loneliness can make you expect rejection, read neutral signals as cold, and skip invitations. A meta-analysis of 50 studies found that, among randomized trials, the most successful interventions were the ones that targeted these patterns of thinking about others, more than simply adding social opportunities (Masi et al., 2011). A therapist trained in cognitive behavioral therapy can help with this.
2. Put in the hours
Friendship runs on time. A University of Kansas study estimated about 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, about 90 hours to become friends, and over 200 hours for a close friend. Hanging out, joking around and playing games counted more than working together (University of Kansas, 2018).
3. Join something that repeats
One party won't do it; a weekly thing will. The Surgeon General recommends joining groups such as fitness, hobby, faith, professional or volunteer organizations (US Surgeon General). A rec league, a climbing gym, a run club, a game night, a volunteer shift: same people, same time, every week.
4. Change the setting with people you already know
If you get along with a coworker or a gym regular, suggest lunch or a drink. Moving out of the usual setting signals you'd like to be friends, as the Kansas researcher suggests (University of Kansas, 2018).
5. Make the first move, and keep it small
The advisory's examples are simple: answer when a friend calls, share a meal, listen without the distraction of your phone (US Surgeon General, 2023). A two-line text to an old friend counts.
6. Help someone
Supporting others, whether a neighbor, coworker or stranger, builds belonging, and the Surgeon General lists it among the core recommendations (US Surgeon General).
7. Cut back on what disconnects you
The same guidance recommends reducing excessive social media use and unhealthy relationships. Swap a chunk of scrolling time for a call or a walk with someone.
8. Tell your doctor
Let your health care provider know about big social changes in your life. The Surgeon General recommends this so they can watch for health effects (US Surgeon General).
Where ASMR fits: comfort at night, not a replacement
Nights are often when loneliness hits hardest: the day is over, the apartment is quiet, and your phone is right there. Some people use soft-spoken ASMR, storytelling and personal attention videos as a gentle presence while they wind down and fall asleep.
That can be a reasonable comfort. One-sided bonds with creators can ease loneliness and offer a sense of belonging, but Harvard Health Publishing warns that leaning on them too much may deepen isolation, especially when they crowd out time with real people (Harvard Health, 2024). No study has tested ASMR as a way to reduce loneliness.
A simple rule: let ASMR cover the last half hour of the night, and let the steps above cover the daytime.
If you want to try it, storytelling ASMR and soft-spoken ASMR feel the most like having someone in the room. We cover why, and how to use it well, in ASMR for loneliness.
When to get help
Talk to a doctor or a mental health professional if loneliness has lasted for weeks, if you feel low most days, or if you've stopped doing things you used to enjoy.
If you're in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or chat at 988lifeline.org. It's free and available 24/7, and it's not only for suicide: it also supports people dealing with loneliness, stress or just needing someone to talk to. Veterans can call 988 and press 1 (SAMHSA).
